Your body has changed and you have to patiently watch it and hope and work hard to get it back; going somewhere involves a lot of planing ahead and all your fancy purses are hanged and forgotten on the coat rack. You are wearing a diaper bag instead and all you carried over from your nice overflowing purse is your wallet. No room anymore for all the unnecessary things that used to occupy your bag and make it hard for you to find your lipstick. Any kind of shopping takes longer and some things you shop for look quite different.
Over all, this has been the hardest job I have had so far and most soliciting. To leave it just at that would be pretty unfair. The hardest job has also been the most lovely, beautiful and rewarding of all. When you look into those innocent eyes, when you touch those smooth baby cheeks, when you hold that tiny body close to yours, you would never go back or want it any easier or less soliciting. The contentment on his face after a good feeding says tons of "thank you's", those shy smiles are making my day and the feeling of his breath on my skin is melting me away. And all the new things he has brought with him, all the changes, responsibilities and fears have become routine after a few weeks, have become my life, the same life on the same screen projecting a different chapter. It sharpens me, it challenges me, it is growing my faith. It is teaching me that I can't do it on my own. It is helping me to trust for all the things I can't do and it is giving me the strength for all the things I can. It has cleansed selfishness and has challenged my soul, purifying my motives and wants. It has stretched me and showed me I'm able because there is grace poured down from above for each moment.