I had a reason why I avoided "love" in my title. People define love in too many ways and some of them are more than offensive.
More than one year ago, flying over the Atlantic ocean I was still shaking at the thought of doing or not the right thing, trying to answer myself a really hard question: "do I really want to get married?" The distance that was set between us scared me more than he did; all the things that remained unspoken, all the moments I could not share with him, all the events in his life that I had not been there for... It was tough to imagine how a normal day together will go by, it was overwhelming trying to shape my future when all I had in my hands was unknown. I was scared. I was preparing myself for a rough start, where we will need to learn things about each other that we did not know. I was prepared for having even a harder start than many other couples who were letting us know that there will be an "adjustment". All I knew is that I want no other man than him and if I end this there will be no one else caring that joy and perseverance when the odds are against him, still praising God when everything seems it does not work as we want to, surrender his desires and selfishness in the way that he did, wanting to glorify God to the point that he'd refuse any affection and kisses while dating, respecting his parents and being open to them as one who has nothing to hide, having compassion and loving people around him, dropping everything else to make himself available to those who need a shoulder. A man who stands in the light!
Ever since december 16th, 2011 happened I was expecting... Expecting to see what the "adjustment" meant. Expecting a fight, a misunderstanding, some moods, bad days, inconveniences... I still don't know what "adjustment" means, because I have never experienced it in a way that would strike me as something else than how the rest of my life is supposed to be. And I stand here amazed at all my foolish fears that never happened, at my fear of unknown, when in fact I knew everything. I knew this man's character proven all through our two and a half years of dating. It was all I needed to know.
He loves me. He trusts me with everything in his life. He took me and the rest of me as a part of him, even though he does not owe nothing to no one. He works hard with his hands to offer us a good life, he does not hold on to money and his heart is giving and free of this bondage, even though he's careful; he extends love to my family as they are his own and the way he respects his parents, according to a verse in the bible, makes me believe he will leave to 95 years old on the earth :). In bringing him shame once, he did not care how I made him look like, but lovingly he showed me my wrong and taught me to be careful for the sake of representing God. So far he has never raised his voice at me or said something to hurt me. He covers me in kisses and many times it can be overwhelming, as you stand by the sink trying to get dishes done. And all these just because more than he wants to please me, he wants to please and glorify his God!
The reason why I avoided "love" in the title is because this isn't as much about love as about what moves the love. This man is a faithful man. A man who stood faithful before his God through his dating years stays faithful trough all these small things that start and build the foundation of marriage and many times I ask God: "why did You give him to me?" I don't deserve this goodness, this love, this peace that many don't experience, this care and abundant generosity... And in the awe of all this I ask God to forgive every tear I cried in the past for a stranger, every feeling I had for anyone not meant to be mine, every regret my heart had for some "loss".
I don't need Armand to surprise me, or be spontaneous, I don't expect him to overwhelm me with presents or buy me a lake house, I don't want this world's expensive jewelry to lay on his hands for me. I love his peace, I'll keep his slow temper, I'll rejoice in his generosity towards others, I will find all my joy in his faithfulness and surrender to God which is what gave us a happy first year together!
Thank you, God!