These thoughts of mine sound ironic and ridiculous written down on paper just the way, so many times, they go for a walk in my mind and seem to be taking their time. And if I would not tell them it is late and they have to go home, they would even give a big party inviting all their best friends. In the meantime, I would be asking myself why can't I change the circumstances and how come God seems to be deaf, absent, unfair and incapable.
But is there anything fair in this world? Would it be fair that any expectation that crosses my heart would come to life, where there are others who long for water? How would I ever depend on God if it be so? Would it be fair that I would think I deserve something, where there are others who seem to never be deserving to be able to walk, or talk, or think? How would I ever be thankful otherwise?
We built ourselves a world that forbids us to be "deserving" people, un unfair land that has fallen short of the favor of God. And I will never win anything standing against, brainstorming on how to trick God's sovereignty, on how to make my plans more vivid than a sketch on a paper. This fight on my own power would only give birth to bitterness, lack of trust and unbelief. There is no winner, but God, because He's God "in heaven and does whatever He pleases" (Psalm 115:3). The best thing I could do is be on His side; crumple my foolish sketch with humility and gratitude; stop asking myself if the Holy God is unfair or unfair is this guilty and sinful world that acknowledges God only when is convenient. One day I could care less of this vapor that has been my life, of its tears, of its "hunger", of its fulfillments and laughters. None will matter at all, except if I finished being on the side of the One who will always win!