Since I am "making a person", I should say I have an excuse and could simply just blame it on the fact that I have never been pregnant in the winter before. It makes sense to be the weirdest cold season I have experienced since all of us, women with kids, know "making people" makes you somehow a stranger to your own self. But I am looking at Armand, who is "making no people" at this moment and both him and I end up in bed at a ridiculous hour, like 7:30 or 8 o'clock. Maybe it is the prolonged cold we've been fighting, or maybe some hard decisions we have to think through, or perhaps Oliver's energy needs a couple extra parents to be able to keep up with him :P. Or maybe we just want to soak in some time together before our comfort zone will be overturned again by nighttime waking and baby cries and a whole great deal of real tiredness. To be honest with you, that is my favorite time of the day, when we end up cuddling together, talking about our day and situations in our lives, watching a show or a movie, reading or praying or laughing over silly things. That's all we need to be satisfied this winter and I guess that is completely acceptable!
Last night a great mount of laundry needing to be folded came in the way of our special "winter routine". That's exclusively my task, but Armand jumped in and helped me knock it out, making sure we're gonna be ready to fall asleep by 9 :P. I find this so silly, especially when thinking of the last winter being so so busy with the construction of a huge barn in our backyard, when we were longing most days for an extra hour to rest.
Life is interesting and its seasons are so intricate. Most of the time I think too much and analyze everything a little too deep. If work abounds and I run from one task to another for weeks, I quickly fear that I am becoming an irrecoverable workaholic. Right now, having no major projects ahead of us, besides our daily chores, nor energy to think of one, I fear I am somehow slacking.
The past two years of my life have taught me a great lesson that I keep reminding myself each time I tend to overthink a season. Life is like little kids. It doesn't stay in one stage forever. It is not predictable nor you will ever be fully content about everything it brings with it. You get the cuddles, but you also get the sleepless nights. You get the "I love you's" and then you get plenty of attitudes. You get a front seat at the show of your bundle of joy discovering a world, but you get the sacrifice of your own desires. So is life. It takes a great stretch to decide how you want to walk throught the phases of it and as for me, I have decided I will make the best of every single moment. I need no misery; I need no regrets. It is not an easy task, but this has been my goal. If I need to make another meal, I will try to make it the best I can. If I have to sit my child on the potty again today, I will make the best of that one minute, I will strive to be the best wife I can be and the best mom for the precious lives I've been entrusted with. Through the highs and through lows, through great days and through hard, through excitment and neverending routines... I decided I won't soak in self pity for longer than minutes, that sweetness turns better than a sharp answer, that there's is no time to get frustrated over a misplaced fork. There is no time to waste complaining about all the interruptions of your day and all the discipline you had to teach, but that there is a greater picture, a wider one than the present. There is no time to think of how much you don't know, when you barely have enough time to apply what you already do. There is no time to think of all you don't have when you did not fully enjoy all that you do.
There are times I sink in the bubble of my limited perspective; there are times I struggle to remember my goal; there are times I find situations hopeless and little matters huge. But there is such joy in the blessed partnership I have with Armand; there is such power in my close friendships when I am looked in the eyes and am told: "We'll figure it out!", "This is not a big deal!", "This isn't forever!", "You can do this!"
"1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him."